Five Horror Films to Protest Valentine’s Day

 

Today is perhaps the most successful, and often the most depressing, manufactured holiday of all time. For those in a healthy relationship, it’s a fine excuse to spend an exorbitant amount of money and celebrate your love. But what about the single weirdoes? Smucky has a way to battle the pink hearts and lovey-dovey message of Valentine’s Day. For those who like their hearts gushing blood, here are five horror films that throw romance out the window.

HELLRAISER

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Infidelity is just the beginning with this one. With sado-masochistic demons, multiple flayings, and reanimated corpses using sex as a bargaining tool, this is about as un-romantic as it gets. But hey, with pain comes pleasure… right?

FRANKENSTEIN

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Talk about rejection. Not only does your creator hate you, but the rest of humanity wants to torch you down, too? We’ve all been there. Considering that director James Whale was battling with his own sexuality (ultimately resulting in his tragic suicide), this adaptation takes on a whole new dimension.

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS

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It’s hard to find love. It’s hard to keep it. And it’s much, much harder when the world is being taken over by body-stealing aliens who usurp bae’s body and turn her into a monster. Also one of the bleakest 50’s horror films, this one turns you off dating (and sleeping) for a while.

EXCISION

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Pauline is hopelessly single. But she doesn’t give a shit. While she does have major problems ( and I mean major), Pauline loves herself and won’t let anyone change her. In a fairly vapid dating society, she’s kinda inspiring. But also this movie is awesomely disgusting. Good choice to scare off a potential suitor.

ROSEMARY’S BABY

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Only the sickest people watch this classic and say, “Let’s get married and have a kid.” NO. After watching what Mia Farrow goes through, I’m hiding in a cave with a few cats and a dog. Satanists can keep their matrimony and birth plots to themselves.

Did I miss anything? Leave a comment below with your favorite anti-romance horror film!

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